Monday, October 19, 2015

An Alternate Watch World Where Everything is Wrong

Imagine a world in which instead of an Omega, NASA chose a Gucci watch to go to the moon, or in which Sir Edmund Hillary decided to wear a Michael Kors to the summit of Mt. Everest, instead of a Rolex.

On some worlds, a Panerai could not
exist. Luminor Submersible photo
from Panerai
We happen to live in a universe where the conditions are right for great watches. In our universe, we have creative minds with skilled hands who make wonderful watches. We have Switzerland. But in alternate universes, things may be bad, very bad, when it comes to watches. This article is a warning: Avoid wormholes and other space anomalies that might transport you to one of these awry worlds.

Somewhere among the infinite universes there's a world where a marketing guru gave our Breitling watches the name ClickyTimerWatch Company and called the Rolex company Mr. Cyclops.

There's a planet on which humans evolved the ability to always know what time it is, and watches were never invented.

In some distant, unknown, and very alien world in that alternate universe is a planet on which watch complications are illegal. Watches can only display the time.

In one universe, nobody over 16 would dare be caught wearing a watch, because it's embarrassing. On that world's sister planet, only people over 70 wear watches.

Due to uneven and changing rock densities throughout, another alternate universe's planet has wildly variable and fluctuating gravity, so no watch can ever be more accurate than to within 10 minutes a day.

There's a world where you're given a watch by your parents at birth, and, by tradition, that is the only watch you will ever wear.

A world where button batteries were never invented, so quartz watches have to be powered by external batteries.

On some far away planet in a strange universe, quartz watches won the Quartz Revolution.

There's a world in which there are no deployment clasps, no fold-over buckles, no familiar straps. Instead, watch bands are secured with something that's akin to our shoelaces.

Or even worse, a world where James Bond wore this:

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Photo from Fossil.

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