Friday, November 23, 2018

Wristwatch Proverbs

We can learn a lot from watches. We can learn engineering. From the simplest sundial, to the earliest one-hand clocks, to the unparalleled Seiko Spring Drive (which nobody seems to be able to adequately explain, as it's clearly made in the far future), watches have a lot of science and technology inside.

We can learn about art—about the minimal Bacchus design behind Nomos watches, the formidable, brutalist aesthetic like the Ochs Und Junior moonphase, and the deco origins of many Jaeger-LeCoultre Reversos.

We can learn about the history of diving from dive watches, history of space exploration from Omega, and the history of mountaineering from Rolex. We can learn about the history of war from watches, too.

And, of course, watches tell us about the importance of timekeeping, without which our modern world would be impossible.

But what about life? Can watches teach us about life, too? I put those questions to the test and came up with the answer: Yes, watches can teach us about life, philosophy, and even who we are. Here a list of watch proverbs for your enjoyment and enlightenment.

The path to a Lange is paved with many dinners of Cup of Soup noodles.

May you age as gracefully as a Rolex Pepsi.

Every time somebody says, "this is my last watch," a fairy dies.

A heart that beats like a Grand Seiko Spring Drive beats forever.

Happy is the man who presses the eBay "buy it now" button without regret.

A man who wears a vintage chronograph to sea is a brave man.

Nobody ever counterfeited a Daniel Wellington.

A good night's sleep is power reserve for your body and mind.

A wise man knows the difference between Rolex and Tudor.

May your prostate never grow to be the size of a Hublot.

Wearing a pilot's watch does not make you a pilot.

A man who sleeps with his watch never sleeps alone.

Service your spouse more often that you service your watch.

Start the day by winding your watch, and you'll have the fortitude to do what you want.

Fortune follows those who gently rub their watches with their fingertips.

There will always be another vintage Daytona for sale.

If you scratched your sapphire crystal, you're doing something that took a lot of effort, so keep it up.

Wind your watch hands forward and look to the future; wind your watch hands backwards and be stuck in the past.

The older the watch, the wiser the wearer.

Anyone can wear a Rolex Yachtmaster, but only a watchmaker can repair it.

A man who watches another man's watch is perfectly normal.

Nobody ever died from owning too many watches.

Show a man where his local jeweler is, and he'll be able to get a new strap anytime he wants. Teach a man how to change a strap and he'll learn manual dexterity so he doesn't scratch his watch next time he changes straps.

A man who buys a watch while under the influence of alcohol is a man who's got some explaining to do when the mailman arrives.

You can't disguise a scratch or scar by calling it patina.

Careless is the person who does not sync his watch to atomic time everyday.

If somebody compliments your watch once, smile and say "thank you." If that same person compliments your watch a second time, run.

If somebody compliments your watch once, smile and say "thank you." If that same person compliments your watch a second time, prepare for marriage. (Yes, sometimes proverbs contradict each other.)

No comments:

Post a Comment